I have this penchant for finding pepole of similar ilk. I went to LA for a business trip last week, and while in the line for TSA checkpoint I struck up a conversation with an awesome person named Dani Danger! It (the pronoun that it likes to go by) is genetically female, and presents as female for the most part, though it says it gets mistaken for a trans all the time- which is funny b/c it has hugeeee breasts! Anyways, we grabbed a drink and talked while we waited for our planes. I’m hoping to keep in touch b/c it seemed like a spiffy person.
Then when I was on the plane from LAX to Charlotte I was stuck between a 50+ guy (very “normal” looking… thinning hair, white, glasses, conservative clothing) and his 20 something yr old son on the other side of me. I read pretty much the entire time, and he was glued to his iPad. At some point I happened to glance over and read “Thank You Goddess…”, and I was like, ohhhh spiffy!
Soooo, me being me, I tap him lightly on the shoulder and give him a thumbs up sign. He looks at me quizically.
“I didn’t mean to be nosey, but I happened to see what you wrote, and I just wanted to say spiffy. I’m a switch.”
He smiles and says he thought I might be a Domme because of my boots (which made me giggle).
We end up talking the rest of the way, and I ask if he’s married (yes); does his wife know (she’s not into it); etc. Basically it’s a situation I’ve heard/seen a million times. He’s been married for forever, loves his family, but is unable to be himself b/c of his job and family. It always makes me so sad. There is no “normal.” Yet our society is constantly putting on airs to appear normative.
We live in this heteronormative binary world. Everything is black and white. Or at least our culture tries to make it seem that it is one extreme or another. But there are always shades of gray, and pink, and purple, and red, and an entire spectrum of the rainbow.
So when we are another shade of the spectrum, we are “Othered,” ostracized. So people hide their true natures because they fear being cast out, they fear what others will think of them. So this man that I meet, he is scared to be himself, scared of what would happen if it’s known that he likes to submit. He likes to give up control to a woman, his Goddess. And it is a very special bond.
He doesn’t know what will happen. He’s becoming increasingly more unhappy in his present situation. As it all too often happens when we try to hide away such an integral part of ourselves, we become distant and sad and we start to disconnect. And that’s where he is. And it just breaks my heart. I wish him well. I hope that he finds happiness and that he finds a way to to have both the “normalacy” he wants, along with his secret desires deep within his heart. Good luck to you sir.
Good luck to all of us that feel that we must hide the parts of us that we hold so true to our hearts.
The Misadventures of Polyleigh 